Reading Romance Does Not Make You a Porn Addict

stop hating on women for reading romance books

This is an old subject, but I have always had opinions on this topic that I wanted to share with others.

If you're not aware, there has been a relatively recent phenomenon going around on BookTok where if you read romance or you enjoy spice (sex scenes) in your books, then you must be a porn addict. Not only is this harmful to the women and young girls who talk about reading romance, but it is also just… false.

Now there's no real concrete definition of what a ‘porn addiction’ is — it’s also not diagnosable or a recognized addiction (at least in the United States). The simplest definition I could find was from this article I came across:

“Pornography addiction is when a person can’t stop watching porn, even when they want to. The compulsive behaviours associated with pornography addiction interfere with a person’s work life, personal life, relationships, and everyday life.”

Okay, let’s see what the definition of ‘pornography’ is then (from the dictionary):

“Printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings.”

So with that, there is also a bit of a discussion on when a book is considered ‘porn’ — according to the definition, a book would be considered pornography if the spice scenes were only in the book to stimulate the arousal of the reader, then. In romance books, spice scenes, whether explicit or not, are used to deepen the connection between the two characters. It can also be used as a plot device to further along the story — for example, if two characters hook up, meet each other later in the book, and then confront that situation.

Having spice scenes in a book does not inherently mean that arousal is the author’s goal. Even if you believe the book isn’t well written or you don’t feel the connection between the characters, it doesn’t make the book ‘porn’. Labelling women, especially young girls, as ‘porn addicts’ is, quite frankly, stupid, has no rationality behind it, and is just another way to hate on women and their hobbies.

I don’t think I have to explain that the romance genre is a genre read by the majority of women and girls and that there have been a multitude of trends of hating on anything women do on social media. People like to diminish hobbies, activities, or even careers because a lot of women and girls do it.

Romance books I’ve enjoyed

I also want to be clear that even if women like reading the spice scenes, or enjoy books with a little more spice than plot, it still doesn’t mean they are ‘porn addicts’. I have seen the videos people make talking about women who will “only read spice” and will ask, “What’s the spice level?” on any book recommended to them. I’m sure those types of people exist on BookTok, but it definitely has been inflated over time.

No, I don’t think someone actually asked, “Is there spice?” when recommended Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky. However, I am not ignorant of the weird sides of Booktok with grown people saying things like there should be spice in YA. Of course, that is not who I am defending in this post. There is an exception and caveat to everything and I hope those reading this will understand my point. 

Additionally, there is the issue where women are not ‘supposed to’ enjoy any media depicting sex or sexual encounters because then they are ‘gross’ and ‘unpure’, unlike men who are societally more likely to be praised for that sort of thing (just look at the ‘body count’ trend that had been swarming TikTok and Twitter). Another example I would like to talk about is Game of Thrones.

Game of Thrones has tons of sex scenes which can be very explicit and, at times, violent. Why is that book not being labelled as porn? If we were following the logic that any book with spice is just porn, then why not, right? Men aren't being criticized for reading Game of Thrones, they aren't being labelled as ‘porn addicts’ because they enjoyed the series.

Actually, when women rightfully criticize these sex scenes as unnecessary or excessive, they are brushed aside by (mostly men) saying, “It’s realistic” and, “It’s just what happened in that time period”. To them, it’s acceptable and therefore needed to make the series as realistic as possible (as if there aren't dragons and magic but, to each their own). Most romance books, at least those I have come across, have maybe two to three chapters that include spice. Maybe a little more than that in some others. Incredulously, some people act as if the whole book is just sex scene after sex scene when in reality, there are not that many and are easily skippable if you’re not interested in reading them.

I guess here is where those people would say that Game of Thrones is a lot more than just sex scenes, and they're right. But so are romance books. Romance as a genre is always undermined and not treated as real literature. One of my favourite books, The Seven Year Slip by Ashley Poston, has romance but also navigates themes of grief, acceptance, understanding that people change, friendship, Clementine’s growth, and telling a tragic story of the ‘right person wrong time’ dynamic (not between the main characters).

I would also like to share two of my all-time favourite quotes from another romance book I've read, This Time It’s Real by Ann Liang:

“We do need people. People who’ll laugh with us and cry with us and make the bad days bearable and the good days better; people who’ll remember what we forget and listen even when they don’t completely understand; people who’ll need us back. It has nothing to do with strength at all, and everything to do with being human.”

“But as I gaze out at the room now, I wonder if maybe the answer to that assignment was as simple as this. Right here. Thinking of all those rooms I walked through at eight, ten, fourteen years old and all the people I met in them... if maybe I left a piece of myself in them and took a piece of them with me too, isn't that what homes are made of? A collection of the things that shape you?”

But yeah, they're just porn, right?

In all seriousness, I genuinely believe that romance books have more to offer than what people are led to think. Sure, the aforementioned weird sides of BookTok always come up every once in a while, throwing the whole community into another vicious cycle of other people claiming that BookTok is just full of porn addicts and trashy books.

It sucks, and I am biased because I am a part of BookTok, but it is unfair to paint the whole community that way. I’ve found some of the best book recommendations on my for you page and ever since joining that space, I’ve broadened my tastes and my pick of genres that I wouldn't have even thought of reading before.

To summarize, women and young girls are not ‘porn addicts’ because they want to read romance. Women are not ‘porn addicts’ because they happen to enjoy or search for books with spice scenes in them. I hope we can move away from this kind of rhetoric and let women be more open about their tastes in literature without being ridiculed.